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Brand Church (from Y! Magazine, July-Sep 2010 Edition)

 
Hello people, a while ago I put out a link to the teaser for the first article I wrote for Y! Magazine. Below is the FULL article. It's a laugh, if I may say so myself! Please read, comment at the bottom and follow my blog, thank you! That's that folks :)

Brand Church

Welcome to the world of this new generation of God-lovers

Permit me to (mis)quote a famous pig: “All churches are cool, but some are cooler than others.”

It’s strange when you think of it. A little over a decade ago, the words ‘church’ and ‘cool’ might never have been used in the same sentence. If you asked some random person to describe a young Christian, she would get back to you with ‘a dull, self-righteous individual with a fishy odour”, a member of “that bunch of frustrated people.”’

Within the past few years however, devotion to church has become a trademark for this generation of Nigerians; in their 20s and 30s – even 40s. ‘God time’, also known as Sunday morning, is (mostly) permanently booked in our diaries. The biggest churches across the country have high proportions of young members, who boldly claim to be Christians, and no, they are far from frustrated.

So the question is: what novel ingredients have been injected into the religion bowl of soul, making attendance at some churches so acceptable; even fashionable?

Let us upgrade you

In a society where the Blackberry, Brazilian weaves and a Bourdillon, Ikoyi residence are clearly defined rungs on the social ladder, it’s no wonder that young people flood churches that have a look and feel that reflect good taste.

These places have become more than just churches. Their auditoriums give off a carefully designed ambience; with light and sound equipment that outclass the average Nigerian social theatres. “Too much swag”, is what one well-known TV presenter calls it. Even the style at today’s trendy church is edgier than it ever dared to be.

There’s no better day than the Lord’s Day to parade our finery, and constructing an outfit for service is not to be taken lightly – Sunday’s Best now has a literal meaning.

A recent visit to one of Lagos’ hipper churches was a revelation. Though the hall was surprisingly bare in décor, behind the podium was a fusion of steel, glass and Plaster of Paris that changed my idea of the word ‘backdrop’ for good.

Not too shabby for one of my personal favourites. Daystar Christian Church, with its Senior Pastor Sam Adeyemi is one of those you love to love; with a keen sense of practicality, messages grounded in common sense, and those perfectly sliced 5-services-per-Sunday, there is no surprise that the likes of comedian Teju Babyface and the young posse from the banks and oil firms find it a haven.

After our service, we – friends and I - loitered outside one of the church’s several entrance/exits, watching people as they hurried in for the 10:15 service. This shoe lover couldn’t help but notice a pair of sexy heels strut past. Authentic gladiators, you had to remind yourself you weren’t a guest at Bella Adenuga’s wedding.

Smiling, my friend had a quick comment: 

“In my church you can decrease your local content and increase your global content. You can upgrade yourself.”

 I looked at my sandal-clad feet. Well, this wasn’t my church after all.

Twinkle twinkle, Jesus star

So music is a language we love, and what better place is there to groove than in the House of God?

There is that ‘gospel’ song that reminds us that that “in (God’s) presence anything goes”. Indeed, at contemporary churches, members are fully encouraged to express themselves in song and dance. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just praise God! After all, King David danced till he stripped himself naked.

“In my church, the praise and worship is exceptional. The way we sing our songs is different from other normal churches”, Seun Olagunju told me. He worships at the House on the Rock, arguably the coolest worship centre in Lagos, at least based on celebrity wattage. Nothing less is expected from a church that hosts some of Nigeria’s top crooners, including Timi Dakolo, Kefee and Sammy Okposo and the rest of the jet set from Uche Nnaji (you know him from Ouch!) to IK Osakioduwa, who used to be called the Wildchild.

Indeed, many of our cool churches – This Present House, the Redeemed Christian Church of God’s ChristChurch and City of David (which now has the ultra cool youth church JoshuaVille), maybe even Winners Chapel - have clusters of well-known actors, artistes, politicians and business moguls.

“On the flip side,” Timi Iriri, of the Family Worship Centre in Abuja, where its no-nonsense leader, Pastor Sarah Omakwu, only adds to the ultra-cool appeal (Darey Art-Alade and others who attend surely add star dust though). “For the cause of the evangelists of the word, it makes life a lot easier when you can point to celebrities and other successful people who take God seriously.

“I remember when my mum used to try and get me to attend MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries), she would say ‘is that not the church Levi Ajuonuma (who used to be on TV) goes to? And I have to admit it made it sound more acceptable.”

Speaking about MFM, the church where the famous Jenifa (Funke Akindele) is known to attend, forgive the ensuing wise-crack, but it’s difficult to attract any cool points when you are known for prayers about fire and death. With a brand new youth church however, where the rules on not wearing ear rings are looser, the potentials are now limitless.

Label me Cool

Over the period in which ‘cool’ and ‘church’ have come to be used in the same sentence, our pastors have been hard at work. Gone are the days when the Sunday sermon equalled a quick snooze. Ministers have improved their approach to the delivery of the Word. It is no longer strange for Christians to speak of branding and ‘packaging’ being as important as content. After all, the bible says faith without works is dead.

Talking about pastors in jerry curls and cool cars is now cliché – we already all know that our God is not a poor God. The now catchy sermon titles however are another matter entirely.

“Some preachers go as far as bringing props to the stage!” Frances Okoli says with a laugh. Maybe even a laugh tinged with jealousy. After all, his is an anonymous Catholic Church somewhere in Ibadan. Nowhere close to the church of Assumption, or Ascension. Not even the popular St. Dominic’s in Yaba, Lagos.

He is however on to something with the props. After all, the jokes about taking the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary to any Kris (notice the ‘K’) Okotie sermon at the Household of God church in Ikeja, Lagos are what shot the comedian AY to superstardom.

There’s also an unmistakable tone of God-inclined motivational speaking, perhaps growing from a keen (and not altogether undesirable) understanding that in a society where we don’t trust anyone – our leaders, the economy, our friends, even ourselves – the desire to hold on to a higher power can be the more practical option.

‘Power-packed’ special programmes for singles, entrepreneurs, teens and young professionals are presented in catchy phrases and even catchier invitation cards rivalling those for the opening of lingerie shops on Karimu Kotun.

And, learning from the genius of Daystar, services have also become surprisingly shortened in length. ‘Unnecessary bits’ have been cut, bringing the average service to about two hours, with a choice of services from as early as 6:00am. The shorter, the better.

We need to get on with the last day of the weekend after all.

Single… and searching?

Above all, church is still the best place to find a “good thing” i.e. a wife for men.

It always has been. Mothers recommending that their player sons settle down with a good woman in their local church (the village really no longer makes for sensible advice they have come to accept). But these days, boys and girls are trooping to church themselves.

We might now have Twitter and Blackberries, but our society is still well with Queen Victoria when it comes to marriage, thank you very much.

The twenty-something year old wakes up the day after her graduation and as if on cue, aunties, parents, long-lost acquaintances and even strangers are now winking and smiling: “Where is he? When are you bringing him to meet us now?”

Since our church leaders discourage young people from being ‘unequally yoked’ with unbelievers, and they try their best to provide an excellent pool of godly, upwardly mobile singles in their assemblies.

Few will admit it, but friends still share tells of wistful look at pretty ushers and still single pastors (and don’t get it twisted, if Covenant Christian Centre’s Poju Oyemade is your pastor!). Virginity is still a cardinal branch of the gospel, and the new gospel is that the best way to avoid the ‘sin of the flesh’ is to hook up with a brother in church who can easily be reported to the pastor if his hands get too high up your skirt.

In any case, have you noticed that these days ladies and gentlemen now give testimonies of keeping their virtue that are laced with giggle-accompanied confessions of ‘smooching’ and ‘cuddling’. Maybe this is what TY Bello means when she sings ‘Freedom in your maker’.

  

Total Package

It’s a long way since those (God bless them) corny songs on Sister Act. No longer is it difficult to be a Christian, in fact these days you are more likely to be taunted if you don’t go to church on Sunday. I mean, what’s your excuse?

Of course, at the end of the day, when you ask the thousands who profess unshakeable love for God on their Facebook status updates (right after using the ‘F’ word), what drives their devoting to the things of the Kingdom, they would quickly deliver a passionate “oh, I love the deep teaching of the Word” or “In His presence, there is just a purity”.

And indeed, there are many who would lay down their very Prada shoes for the Kingdom (take a trip to Believers Loveworld at the University of Lagos any day and see) and they take tithes and offerings as seriously as your buddy in the seminary, but it certainly cannot hurt that there are so many cool churches that offer a full package that’s hard to resist.

Can you spot the latest trends, interact with upwardly mobile singles, mingle with the stars, bop to the latest pseudo-gospel tunes and hear an uplifting, eloquently delivered speech for the price of a trip to your local place of worship? Your church is definitely cool.

But don’t turn up your noses just yet. Say what you will about Pastor Chris’ (Oyakhilome) dramatic worship sessions and the all-white suits, the impact he is making on the lives young people across the country is nothing to joke about.

And perhaps at the end of the day, beneath all the snide talk and the smart comments, that’s really what matters: are lives being changed in these churches? Is religion guiding the right choices on things like sex and money? Are people living their lives based on that cool pay off What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)?

The answer just might be a yes – and if it is, then Jesus would certainly approve. Y!

Say it!

I just hit a truth.

But before I go on let me say this. 

Once upon a time – in one of my more profound states of mind – I stumbled upon this thought:

“The deepest truths in life are not taught, they are caught. At some point they will just dawn on you in a way that no one could ever have explained it to you.”

Ironically this statement is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course, thoughts this insightful don’t come to me on a minute-by-minute basis (but I’m working on that). However, once in a while they do. One just did…

“In the same breath that you speak your dream to another person, you give it life.”

You may have heard a cliché about the importance of talking about the things we want (things like ‘confession is possession’). I know I have, but most times the first time we hear a cliché, or anything at all, we do not fully grasp it. (I believe that is why God created echoes, the opportunity to listen again, to remind us to go back, to search beyond the surface and dig out the substance behind what we have just heard.) 

Think about it. How else can a dream ‘materialize’ before it actually materializes? Before your dreams do come true, the only other way they can be expressed is when you SPEAK them. Think of them as locked up in your mind, and the only way you can let them out is to say them.

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit unsure of what I want to do. Let me rephrase – I know what I think I want to do, but I’m not sure whether:

a. I can do those things (are they within my reach?)

b. I want to do those things (what if I’m making a mistake?)

Also when it comes down to it, I’m awfully averse to blowing my own trumpet, so, when I’m asked – “’Damilola, what are your plans?” I’ll beat around the bush and give a long-winded non-answer. A paraphrase would be: “I want to do something, and just about everything, which is nothing really”. Usually I’ll see the person nod, squint and their eyes will glaze over in confusion. Then I’ll nod my head. Mission accomplished.

But today, for some reason (maybe because I didn’t feel threatened by the person who asked, or maybe because we were the only two in the room, or maybe because God had a lesson to teach me), I answered the question honestly and in detail. My heart literally started to beat faster as I spoke about what my plans were. As I talked, some new ideas even came to me. And then I realised that by keeping my plans to myself I’ve been shortchanging myself. My head is a very great place, but at the end of the day it’s an incubator, a womb. The dream has got to come out after some time or else it will die.

Now I’m not talking about saying your goals to yourself – an affirmation, confession type of thing… I’m referring to saying it to another human being. I wrote earlier about echoes. From my understanding, an echo occurs when sound waves bounce off a surface. Now imagine other people as ‘surfaces’. In order for someone to hear an echo (be able to go back, reflect and dig out more substance from our dreams), Ithe person needs to talk to another person. All of us have a level of insecurity and self-doubt (if you don’t, please email me, we NEED to have a chat), so imagine what it’ll do to you when someone nods and says “that’s a great idea”.

Of course there are some exceptions to the rule of ‘freeing your dreams’. I’ll name three I can think of:

·         You can’t say it to just ANYONE (Please shut your trap in the presence of cynics and people who you don’t trust)

·         You can’t say it ALL (keep some mystery to it)

·         You can’t say it all the TIME (then you sound like a broken record, simultaneously reminding everyone that your dreams haven’t yet materialized)

Keep those in mind, but whatever you do, don’t keep silent. You must hear your dreams echo, and those echoes must give you the strength to forge ahead. You MUST give expression to your dreams.

That’s That!

P.S. On Friday I read ‘The Noticer’ by Andy Andrews. Please read it if you can, and his other books too. The man is brilliant. I’m still processing the book and it’s changing me.

P.P.S. There’s some fiction coming up soon! Enough of the pseudo-inspirational talk and on to the short stories! The thing is, I’m just a teeny-weeny bit shy about sharing them, but we all have to get over our insecurities at some point, don’t we? Alrighty then!

Skin Care & Your Mind - Part II

A few days ago, I threw around some thoughts about skin care and how it relates to the mind. If you haven’t read Part I of this post, please do so now.

Let’s now look at the final step.

Step 3: Moisturise

Three words – Oh.My.God! I used to wonder what all the brouhaha was about the moisturiser thing till I discovered it for myself. Let me tell you an open secret: Nobody’s skin glows naturally. (Yeah, I said it). You know, that shiny thing that celebrities’ skin do? Well, (apart from the foundation, concealer, bronzer, spray tan and God knows what else), it’s called moisturiser. A good moisturiser does two things:

*It feeds your skin with essential nutrients and vitamins

*It protects your skin from the harmful effects of the sun and other aggressors in the atmosphere.

You ‘moisturise’ your mind by doing the same thing, i.e. feeding your mind with positive thoughts. Read great books and magazines. Watch great movies. Listen to great music. Fill your senses with the best and your mind is well on its way to being in tip-top shape. Apart from feeding your mind, you also have to protect it. Just like sunlight and dust are unavoidable, some people and situations will come and try to force the wrong thoughts into your mind. They may try to distract you from the goals you set for yourself. You have to consciously reject these.

A story with a lesson…

When I was initially shopping for a moisturiser, I remember rejecting the cream my regular skincare lady gave me. I looked at the bottle and the ingredients, and I knew something was off, even though it was the same brand as my toner. I went to another store (go Foodco!), and there I found the product I currently use, which, I dare say, has me hooked for life.

About a week ago, I was running out, so I decided to go back to the same shop to get a new one. I searched high and low, but couldn’t find it. A shop attendant came by:

“Please may I help you?”

“I’m looking for moisturiser.”

“Ok, they’re here.”

She pointed me towards a row of creams – skin-lightening aka BLEACHING creams (Why do people assume dark skinned girls are always looking to get lighter? On second thought I don’t blame her. Even our governor is a blatant bleacher.)

I shake my head firmly. “No thanks, this is not what I’m looking for. I’ll check back later.”

The lesson to the story…

You must know what is good for your mind, what has worked for you over time. Stick to it. You may try new things, but only those that feel right to you. Be highly selective about what you allow to enter into your thought space.

In choosing and walking your career path, for example, the people who know you best will assume they know what’s best for you. With good intentions, they will try to share (and may even force) their ideas on you. If you know in your heart that you want something different, IGNORE THEM.

This sounds a bit like theory, so let me get practical.

I recently started doing some work for a company. I love the work, and as of now I am not being paid for it. I spend my own money on internet, transport, phone calls – mostly minor expenses. My mum thinks I’m crazy, and never fails to remark disdainfully about “that guy who’s not paying you”. I effectively tune her out on that, because she doesn’t understand that for me, the reward of this work is beyond the money. For example, within a few weeks since I started, the weight of my network has at least doubled, and I have markedly improved my creative and problem solving skills. Can money buy these? I think not. Anyway, eventually I will be paid, so the cash issue is temporary.

That was a bit of a ramble, but I hope thou gettest my point.

As I said earlier, people and situations will never fail to have expectations of you, but DON’T LET THE SHOP ATTENDANT SELL YOU BLEACHING CREAM BECAUSE YOU'RE DARK-SKINNED. I guess a word is enough for the wise.

Cleanse, tone and moisturise consistently, twice a day, morning and night for a month, and I guarantee that you’ll notice a dramatic change in the quality of your thoughts and actions. Or your money back. Great, healthy looking skin speaks for itself. So does a great, healthy mind.

That’s That!

Skin Care & Your Mind - Part I

Recently I started to consistently take care of my skin, and so far it's clearer than it has ever been – there’s this glow that seems to come from underneath my skin. Eyin peeps please note: I’m not claiming to have skin as great as Beyonce’s o! All I’m saying is that there’s been a huge improvement since I started sticking to my skincare plan.

So Dami, why are you going on about your skin? Nobody cares!

I’m going somewhere, I promise. Before you hit the ‘x’ button on the upper right hand corner of this page, stick with me for a minute.

I’ve been following the age-old, time-tested, three-step plan. It is:

Step 1: Cleanse

Step 2: Tone

Step 3: Moisturise

“Cleanse, tone and moisturise”, I used to hear all the time, but I never gave it any thought till recently when I started it, and damn, that *bleep* works!

Ehen, Dami? What does all this have to do with the price of boli and groundnut?

The other day I was thinking about my skin, and a light bulb went off in my head. If I start to take care of my MIND as routinely and consistently as I do my SKIN, in no time the results will be obvious – I will have a glowing mind!

Let’s review the steps.

Step 1: Cleanse

We need to cleanse our skin because during the course of the day, it picks up particles which clog up the pores.

In the same way, our minds are inundated with junk everyday. Images, sounds, textures, smells and tastes find their way in, and they have a tendency to clutter our minds. Whether you're male or female, you MUST wash your face at least once a day (I hope). Cleansing is a need, it is the BAREST minimum.

How do you ‘cleanse’ your mind? As soon as you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed:

• Think of something you’re truly grateful for, and say a word of thanks

• Forgive & release any grudges you may have picked up during the course of the day

• Pray

The general theme here is to get rid of negative thoughts; to de-congest your mind and fill it with positive energy.

Step 2: Tone

I definitely wasn’t into this skincare step, but the truth is your cleanser will only go so far. Toner goes deep into your pores to clean out the places where soap and facial wash cannot reach. It also tightens your pores, and conditions your skin.

How do you condition your mind to get the best out of it?

• Meditate (on a Bible verse, a quote, an idea). Meditation is simply thinking (and saying) something over and again until it overwhelms you. Meditation requires concentration and effort. But when it is done, it opens up ‘old’ ideas in new ways. It’s not easy initially. There will be so many thoughts competing for your attention. But practice with five minutes, then ten and continue until you master the art of meditation.

• Plan and Prepare: In the same way you do to your skin, you need to condition your mind for success. After you’ve meditated (it could even be during), pull out your vision board, your journal, your laptop or whatever and write down your goals. It could be “send encouraging texts to five friends today”, or “read Half of a Yellow Sun next week” or “buy dream home in two years”. When you plan, take your big dream(s) and give life to them by dividing them into smaller, measurable goals. In this case, smaller goals could be “buy 200 Naira airtime on the way to work”, and “visit Lola tomorrow to collect the novel”, and “speak to mentor next Wednesday about how to increase my income”. Notice that all the goals here, both great and small, have a timeline.

The point of meditation, planning and preparation is to bring to your awareness, thoughts and corresponding actions that will push you forward on your journey to success. I started to do it (slightly) consistently, and I realised that I became more focused and balanced. I would ask myself “does this add value to me? How does this relate to my long-term goals?”

Let me stop here for now.

In Part II, I’ll focus on the final step of daily skincare. It’s even more exciting than the first two! Can you guess how it relates to your mind?

It's All In My Mind

Because the glass really is half-full.

I consider myself a watcher - an observer, if you like. I see things others don't see, I notice things that other people glance over. I take my time to fully digest and decode every gesture, every word and every look coming from the people around me. As an observer, I tend to over-analyse things, especially when they relate directly to me.

I am also a pessimist, although I am desperately working on this aspect of myself. I constantly feel bad, a bit depressed because of what people around me say and do; things that normally shouldn't even bother me.

Sometimes I wake up and think, what if my friends just start to hate me? What if they see me for 'who I really am', this insecure, uncool, overreacting, klutz? Do any of my friends really love me? If some 'cooler' friends came along would they dump me?

As a pessimist, my mind is trained to believe the worst. In my mind, I'm almost always the laughing stock. I beat myself over the head for the little mistakes that I make. I'm very hard on myself. I put up a front, a joker’s facade so that no one can get a glimpse into my soul.

When I get paid a compliment, I almost never accept it, because I just don’t believe it. I think the person who said it is lying to me. Obviously they want something from me.

I constantly compare myself to others- my wit, my looks, my clothes, my abilities. I always fall short because I focus on what others do that I don’t do well. Then I feel bad, forgetting that there are many things I can do well, that this other person can't. In my mind I'm never good enough. In my mind I'm never pretty enough. I drive myself crazy thinking of all the things that I am not.

But most of the time, I realise, my mind is the one playing tricks on me. I'm the one who blows things out of proportion. I want to be perfect. And that is not possible. I realise that I have to change my mindset. I need to live and let live. I have to let go of the little things, I need to be gentle on my soul. I need to love myself. That's the only way I can grow.

It's difficult. I've had 19 years of doing the wrong things. But slowly I'm rising above my insecurities. I'm freeing myself. I'm beginning to realise that life isn't a competition. Life isn't so hard. It's all in my mind.

©2007, Oluwadamilola Odunayo Oyedele

I Pray

This is not really a poem. It's just some thoughts - I'm channeling some love and prayers.

I pray.

I know very well how you did not choose to be bound,
but this is the battle that HE chose for you.
I pray that one day
you will look behind you
and see your wings,
and that you will have the courage
to fly high
and very far into the sky.
I pray that you will become
all HE made you to be.

Every single one of you.
I love you.

So I pray.

(c) 2010, Oluwadamilola Odunayo Oyedele

Y! Magazine

There’s a fabulous new magazine out, and if you haven’t heard about it, I have to ask --- where the hell have you been? Come out from under that rock this minute!

Hot stuff, huh? This is the magazine's cover page (from http://www.bellanaija.com/)

It’s actually more than a magazine, it’s a hot new brand, that also includes a TV show, radio show, website, newspaper column and reception. Y! represents the young Nigerian achiever – informed, driven and of course, very stylish. The brand self defines as "the new high priest of Nigerian youth culture".

"Y! Magazine will – using the best young Nigerian writers, interviewers photographers, stylists and others – document the lifestyle, issues, trends and personalities that define the character and aspiration of the young Nigerian," says Chude Jideonwo, the editor.

Even hotter! This picture from within the magazine is a poster, for you fans of Omotola and all things Y! 

There’s more about the magazine and the whole brand here on the official website. And here also and here again are pictures and gist from the launch of the magazine.

I am so very proud to be a part of this (even if as a yet-unknown aspiring writer).

It's now available in stores and with vendors nationwide, so buy it! And let your first stop be my personal favourite, a certain article by ‘Damilola Oyedele (Yes, I’m shameless like that).

That’s That!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Hello, and welcome to the world of many lights and much camera, but very little action.

We’re so image-obsessed today it’s disturbing. Humans have always felt the desire to be seen and heard, but the internet and social media (Facebook being the forerunner of the pack, with Twitter following closely behind) have taken the fire that satellite television kindled and set the world ablaze. In the twinkle of an eye you can let the world know your secrets and your thoughts, and five degrees of separation has been reduced to nil.

Take the desire to be known and put it together with the platform for doing so, and what you get is a lot of falsehood. There are too many words and too little action - this is the trap into which my generation is falling, myself included. We’re saying things we don’t mean, laughing out loud with blank expressions on our faces, and our wittiest comments are made with our fingers! This is the age where laziness has taken over and enthusiasm has been reduced to half a dozen exclamation marks!!!!!! I dare say we are living a lie and we are in trouble.

I knew I was doomed when a witty thought would come into my head and the following thought would be, “wow, that would make a great Facebook status update”.

You, yes, you with all those carefully selected and touched up photos in your photo albums (and I’m talking to myself too) – who are we deceiving? Bar those who haven’t seen you in the past five years, we all know you don’t look like that now!

And those of us who spend hours on Facebook looking at other people’s pictures – scrutinizing, criticizing, lusting – we need to get lives, or live the lives we already have.

Our generation’s opportunities are exponentially greater than those of the generations before us, and we are wasting our lives in my opinion. I am certainly not anti social media. I appreciate it’s value and the platform it has created for us, but the greater proportion of the world is misusing it. When you have something important to say; a brilliant product to promote, please feel free to broadcast yourself as much as you want to, but if all you want to do is rant about your ex, or tweet subliminal insults to his new girlfriend, please refrain from

clogging up cyberspace.

I reckon that those who are actually doing things are too busy to spend the bulk of twenty-four hours online. A blogger I follow once said (paraphrase) – let’s get off the internet and make some real memories.

To that I add “let’s shut down our laptops (put down those damn Blackberries) and go and get some fresh air! Rest our fingers! See the world! Be all we can be!”

Less lights and camera and more action please!

That’s That!

I Like Girls

Hey there! Anybody home?

I’ve been away for a while at the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) Orientation Camp. How did it go? Well, it was a mild version of hell to say the least. Maybe one day, when I’m finally over the post-traumatic stress disorder, I’ll be able to write my 'Tales by Moonlight: Camp Edition'. But for now, the topic du jour:

I Like Girls

I’ve never been a tomboy. I also have never been a girly girl. All my life I’ve been sitting daintily on the fence.

(By the way the art of sitting on the fence is something I’ve mastered, as confirmed by Robbins Begg Consulting. Their words: "Damilola’s dominant intelligence component is Diplomatic Intelligence…" Hmm.)

I also have no sisters, but I grew up with a couple of friends who were like sisters, so I have a good understanding and appreciation of the joys and the complexities of relationships between women.

A few years ago I literally had my life ripped off from beneath me.

Truth be told, that statement has a bit of a dramatic edge, but I did feel as though I had lost a huge chunk of all that I held dear at the time. I found myself thrown into a new environment (one which I had scorned and despised, mind you), and I found myself being forced to eat. Humble Pie, that is. Initially I struggled to fit into this new environment, but soon I settled in, realising it was part of God’s plan, which was far more wonderful than I could imagine. See, God had been good enough to give me what I needed, not what I wanted. But that’s a story for another blog entry or three.

Back to the point, I believe that any sane woman needs strong relationships with other like-minded sane women in order for her to retain her sanity.

I also believe that one's friendship circle should be kept small and tight as opposed to large and watered-down (Recall #23 of my 'This is Me' post).

Here I was, settling into this new environment, with no women I could connect with. I prayed, like I always do, and said “Lord, I’m losing my sanity. Please give me two good girlfriends.”

God sighed and answered “I won’t do that dear.”

Me: God, what did you just say?

God: I said I will NOT give you two girlfriends. I will surround you with multiples. However in your core, you will have a few great women to call your best friends.

And like He always does, He gave me what he promised.

Ladies, you know who you are. This post is dedicated to you:

A friend is someone who:

1. Is brutally honest about your strengths, and kindly honest about your weaknesses.

2. Calls you in the middle of the night to share that ‘hot’ gist with you. OR Calls you in the middle of the night because you’ve told her you want to share some ‘hot gist’ with her. And in both cases you wake up feeling hung over because you lost three to four hours of sleep talking, gossiping, analysing and strategising aka doing ‘MTN XtraCool’.

3. Will not judge you, and will even agree with you when you tell her about the hot young man you plan to marry, having known him for all of three minutes. She then proceeds to give you sound reasons as to why you shouldn't go ahead and propose just yet. (Beyond the jokes though, your friend will truly listen, empathise and give excellent advice anytime you need it.)

4. Stands in a long queue and pays for your Call-up Letter/whatever ahead of time so you don’t have to wait in line when you arrive.

5. Stares expressionlessly and refuses to argue with you when you’re in a bad mood.

6. Steals your quirky quotes and passes them off as hers… And you’re proud of her for it.

7. Asks after your welfare and celebrates your progress without a jealous tone of voice and the famous tinge of green in her brown eyes because she is secure in her own self.

8. You’ve discussed (in-depth) future career plans, as well as picnic, dinner and travel plans (complete with your husbands and children). You may even have pledged your unborn children to one another in marriage.

9. Will forgive you when you do stupid little things, like ditching her for your crush. She understands.

There’s so much more, but I will wrap up with this:

10. Above all, you can count on the fact that she is your God-given friend and the bond that holds you together is eternal.

What do you have to say about your own girlfriends?

Disclaimer (In case you missed it while reading the content, or decided to focus on the title alone): This is not a ‘coming out’ blog post. I am proudly heterosexual!

Milestone... My First 'Proper' Article in Print

Thanks to The The Future Project's Young Writers' Network, I got an internship at MADE Magazine, a Nigerian publication in the footsteps of GQ, FHM, etc. It was a great experience, to say the least!

My first task was to write an article on the Lagos State Climate Change Summit.  It seemed  very daunting. I hadn't attended the event, so I had no clue where to start from. But I called a few people up, and I did my best. I was very chuffed to hear that it would be published in the magazine's June 2010 edition (Volume 3 Issue 5). Here it is:

On the 2nd Annual Lagos State Climate Change Summit...

Carbon footprint, Greenhouse effect, conservation, deforestation… blah blah, who in these parts cares about all that scientific babble?

I could have sworn that I would never see the day when Nigerians would be concerned enough to sit, discuss and make plans concerning the subject of climate change. Clearly, I was wrong.

A Universal Concern

The truth is, this issue affects the entire human race now more than ever. Beneath the so-called scientific babble, there is a considerable threat to the planet. According to Professor Ademola Salau, who is the Climate Change consultant to the Lagos State Government, “even illiterates can see that the weather patterns are changing drastically. The rains and the heat are irregular”. He says the matter of climate change is a complicated one, affecting human life, politics, business, and the economy.

Lagos Goes Green

The Lagos State Government held the 2nd Annual Summit to tackle the issue of Climate Change from the 4th to the 7th of May at Eko Hotel and Suites, Victoria Island. Lagos State governor, Babatunde Raji Fashola insisted that the summit was “not a doomsday gathering but a serious wake up call to the biggest threat ever to confront the human race without discrimination”. People across the world made Lagos their home for the four days of the outstanding event. A few of the countries represented were Malaysia, Geneva, Pakistan, the United States and Mexico. A wide range of topics were discussed at the summit such as; how to adapt to climate change, best practice, financing mitigation activities and collaboration. All in all, it was a highly successful event that re-affirmed the leadership of Lagos state as responsive and forward-thinking.

In the style of a true Lagosian, who works hard and plays equally hard, the host, Governor Fashola held a dinner reception for all the participants at the end of summit. A high point was during a performance by Daddy Showkey, where the governor and his distinguished guests were arm-twisted into rising to their feet to groove to the beat; quite a sight to behold!

Other States Follow Suit

One highlight of the summit was the roundtable discussion by the governors of other states who attended. Each one spoke on a ‘Sub national Approach for Addressing Climate Change’. CNN correspondent, Brent Sadler, moderated the session, and he was able to get the governors to speak frankly, as opposed to their usual delivery of pre-written speeches. Governors Ali Modu Sherrif (Borno), Adams Oshiomole (Edo) and Namandi Sambo (Kaduna), who were at the summit, promised to join in waging the war against climate change. The governors of Abia, Delta, Niger and Ondo could not be present at the event, but showed their support by sending representatives.

The Power of One

Because climate change affects us all, we all have a part to play. The question is this – how can we, as Nigerian citizens, better relate to the environment in order to help solve the climate change problem? While joining a Tree-Huggers Society would be going too far for most, each one of us can contribute a small piece to the greater goal of a cleaner environment. Professor Salau says, “we can’t leave it all to the government. It requires collaboration and concerted effort”. Here’s some of his advice:

• Switch off electrical appliances like the lights, air conditioners and fancy gadgets when they aren’t in use. This will significantly reduce the emission of harmful gases.

• Dispose of waste properly.

• When you can walk a distance, don’t drive.

We will see these little drops add up. If you want to take his advice a step further you can plant a tree, or find a tree planter or a conservation agency to support, as trees absorb Greenhouse gases.

Sustainable Success

Plans are already in place to give next year’s edition of the summit a much broader scope and depth. The tag line of the program says it best: Join the green crusade – Keep Lagos State (and Nigeria) clean and beautiful. We will see the benefits of this phenomenal conference in the months and years to come, as we partner with the government by actively participating in the establishment of a greener Nigeria – pun intended!

(c) 2010, MADE Magazine

I Will Not Succumb!

What's it with the heavy pressure on young Nigerian women to get married? I refuse to succumb! I initially brought this up question as a Facebook status update. I used to dismiss the topic as one of the over-discussed. But I must admit, that was before the pressure was getting to me!

A few months ago I was feeling young and happy to be a graduate with my 'whole life ahead of me’. More recently, I started to feel like a ticking time bomb. I must confess I was feeling a little desperate for Mr Right a while ago. I even gave God a ‘deadline’… (Yes o, I’m only being honest). That was before I gave myself a good slap (I literally slapped my own face as I do from time to time). But really, this is an absolutely crazy sentiment because I am just two tens and two units old!

When I was in school I violently dismissed the fact that this pressure existed. A friend of mine spoke of an alumnus who was ‘still unmarried many years after university’. ‘God forbid o! 11 years out of school and she’s not married? *Shock horror!*’

I was always the one who would turn statements like these into arguments. I would passionately state that this ‘ marriage-by-force mindset’ is backward. So what if she’s not married? Why should a woman be judged by her marital status? Why should she be made to feel that the whole reason for her existence is to trade in her father’s last name and begin to manufacture her husband’s babies?

I realise that I may have been in a bubble – trying (too) hard to ignore/deny facts.

I can not speak authoritatively about many cultures, but I know that in Nigeria, a person, particularly, a woman is judged by her marital status, and the number and sex of her children. It may not be the truth, but the cold, hard FACT is that without a husband and children a woman will not be taken seriously. Take two women – Frustrated Married Madam (FMM) and Happily Single Babe (HSB). FMM’s husband would give Tyson and Ali a run for their money. He could also possibly outrun Tiger the ‘Cheetah’. FMM has two beautiful children though.

And then there’s HSB. She comes home to a peaceful, albeit very empty house, where she is free to just be.

Put both side by side in my society and FMM comes up tops 8 out of 10 times. What does that say about us? Quite simply, it says that in our own convoluted, paternalistic way, we are not so different from the big, bad West who we criticize for all our woes. We also value appearances (i.e. our idea of what is good) over truth and reality.

I must commend my parents (for now) though. They have never made me feel this strange, premature pressure. On the contrary, my dad is understandably mum on the subject. I’m sure the notion of his only daughter getting married off will never be a wholly gratifying topic. My mum shakes her head and says ‘Marriage is no joke o, you must get it right once and for all, so take your time.’ Then she goes on to give examples of some failed marriages. Truer words were never spoken.

Still this doesn’t mean that my other family and friends share the same view.

I have gotten lectured, speeched and talked, by older family members. Case in point – my auntie’s response to the said Facebook status update was this: ‘You haven't seen pressure o...just do quick and bring husband, otherwise, the 'real pressure' will mount up’. Hmmm…

However, the crowning glory was one morning at my grandparents’ (I love to stay at their house – I get spoiled beyond belief). That morning I was lying down, reading my bible. Grandma comes in and sits on the bed.

‘Damilola I want to talk to you.’ My heart skips a beat. I sit up, puzzled – I think it’s something serious.

She begins. ‘You know you’re now a big girl. You’re not a baby anymore, ehn. You’ve finished school and if you have someone that you like….’

Ah ha! The lecture; the speech; the talk.

The snag is that I would never ever have expected to get it from my grandmother, at least not yet. It was a full thirty minute speech. She waited for my comments at the end. I simply smiled and said ‘Grandma I’ve heard.’

And then there’s the men! Ha, what the hell! They’re suddenly sprouting out of nowhere with renewed brashness, as if I have desperado written on my brow. Or am I being over sensitive? Please (help me) judge.

One gave me a gift – a Christian book titled ‘The Single Life’ after our SECOND meeting. This first meeting, it lasted no longer than five minutes o, and even then I spent the whole time inching further and further away from his assault-by-halitosis.

And another one. I am walking into UBA House on the Marina, when a Random Young Man (RYM) comes up behind me and grabs at my hand. Imagine…

Me (squinting and frowning in shock, surprise and everything in between): Sorry, do I know you?

I expect him to say something like, ‘don’t you remember me from school/church/somewhere?’ At least I would have been a little relieved. Alas…

RYM (grinning from ear to ear): We entered the same BRT from Obanikoro.

Me (mildly hysterical): You don’t even know me and you just tried to hold my hand!

RYM (still showing his 32): Hope you don’t mind.

Me: I don’t know you!

I start to walk faster. To cut a long, weird story short, he asks for my number and I refuse, still in shock. He explains that he only came this way because of me. I smile and tell him he’s much better off going his way….

With these few points of mine, I hope I’ve made my point.

Another point is….

I want to travel to obscure countries – I want to meet people from different cultures. I want a rich life! Of course I can do this as a married woman but guess what? You guessed right! The same people – grandparents, parents, uncles, aunties, neighbours, family friends, enemies who were singing ’Where is he?’ will change from winking at your face to winking at your belly as soon as you return from the moon. They’ll ask about your health. Which is a (not subtle) way of asking if you don swallow belle. They will not stop! So what if I had put off my dreams and pursued marriage just to please them? I will have to put off my dreams again for the next how many years while I raise children to please them! By then, who knows what will have become of my joie de vivre? Do you catch my drift…

Do not get me wrong o. I want to be married, and I will be. I will make all the necessary sacrifices to build my home and take care of my family. I have strong feelings and no illusions about the idea of being a ‘working mother’, (a view I’ll share later on this blog). But I will do all this at the right time and for the right reasons. I will have the pleasure of knowing that I am giving up/holding on on some goals as MY CHOICE. Not because of the ‘pressure’ from the people around me, but because it’s God’s time.

That’s That!

This Is Me

Here are some things about me that I couldn’t fit into the ‘About Me’ box. It was lifted from my Facebook page, where I wrote it a while ago. Some of the statements are now out of date, so I made notes below.

1. I am extremely diplomatic. I will almost always tell you what I think you want to hear, except with very close friends, and even then…

2. I have no time for stuck up, self-important fools. Pride is so unattractive.

3. I adapt to my environment completely, i.e. I can change from a very well mannered lady to a total razz mess, depending on where I am.

4. I have the ability to make myself laugh (hmm where have I heard that before?) and I’m okay at making others laugh too. I really admire funny and quick witted people.

5. (Dedicated to name withheld for privacy) I STILL SUCK my tongue and squash my belly button (gosh). Hence I have a belly button shape that ensures that I will never feel inclined to expose my tummy!!!*

6. Coming to university in the town of Ile-Ife is the best thing that has happened to me yet. I have been changed.

7. I am a reader. Avid does not begin to describe how much I read, I read everything.

8. I have the random ability to keep the most random stuff for the most absurdly random time. Notes, pens, pins, etc. Case in point, my (inherited) old faithful journal is now about 9 years old and counting (Can anyone remember the red furry journal with black spots?!) And I very recently lost a pen my class teacher, Mr Olajide, gave us all in Grade 12 (2003).

9. Did I mention that I write too? I’m convinced I peaked in secondary school though. Since then I have attempted several times and struggle to write a coherent piece of literature (not entirely true). I won’t give up trying though. Honestly, sadly, I think I just might make a great editor.**

10. I think mobile phones in general, and text messages in particular are the worst things to ever happen to written English Language. It bugs me when people write things like ‘gud’ or ‘dem’ or forget to put commas and full stops, and I’ll ONLY do some of it sometimes to save space on a text message and immediately ask for forgiveness from the Fathers of English. However I would never be caught dead writing things like “lyfe”.

11. For more than a decade I was convinced that I was born to be doctor. It took two weeks of trudging around University College Hospital, Ibadan in 2003 to burst that bubble.

12. The glass is half empty.

13. My favourite food? I can’t choose! I love food. I love to try new tastes and foods as long as they smell good (no offence to South Africans who think boiled uncleaned intestines of a cow is a delicacy). I also enjoy cooking, but not as much as I enjoy eating.

14. Hence I have the most fluctuating weight ever. I’m usually on a ‘diet’. My mum has told me that my wedding gift from her would be a treadmill.

15. I love God and He loves me. That’s why I am. I believe that one has to anchor one’s life on something solid or risk insanity.

16. My name is way too long. Imagine having to write Oluwadamilola Odunayo Oyedele on every page in an exam. It slows me down!!! The man I marry would have to have a surname that is just as long as or better still shorter than my father’s.

17. I don’t like my teeth thanks to sucking, and will get braces sometime in the future. My parents have ignored all my pleas, threats, and blackmail over the years. “Your teeth are ok!” Humph. That’s just made me more obsessed.

18. I can be really mean sometimes. I’m working on that.

19. I love music. If I like a song, I will play it over and over again for days till it has engraved itself into me. Everything happens to the music in my head, and the lyrics of the song don’t necessarily correlate to the situation.

20. I ‘stab’ way more lectures than I should. I’ve refused to go to lectures today. I can’t wait to be through with uni and all the accompanying guilt.***

21. I’ve inherited a strange ability from my maternal grandmother. When I’m really happy and we’re conversing, I'll pick up the last thing you said and turn it into a chorus. Random!!!

22. My favourite pet is my baby brother Gbemiro. He’s adorable, intelligent and for now he’s still happy to run errands!

23. My few good friends are like my family. I’m not the friend-y sort of bird. I’d rather fly alone, thank you.

24. My favourite quote at the moment is “I have a Bachelors degree in Business, but a PhD in Common Sense” by Ben Bruce.

25. I’m a romantic.

Hope you’ve learned a thing or two!

Hope you’ve smiled at least once too…

* (#5) I literally woke up one day and decided that I was tired of sucking my tongue. I wrote it down in a notebook, and that was it! From that moment I ceased to uglify my face and destroy my teeth by weirdly folding my tongue backwards and sucking on it. I believe that only those who have sucked (fingers, tongue, and other unmentionable parts) will understand how hard it is to stop. But I have. Praise the Lord! As for the belly button… ahem.

** (#9) Scratch that! I am a writer, period.

*** (#20) I’m now through, thank God.