It's All In My Mind

Because the glass really is half-full.

I consider myself a watcher - an observer, if you like. I see things others don't see, I notice things that other people glance over. I take my time to fully digest and decode every gesture, every word and every look coming from the people around me. As an observer, I tend to over-analyse things, especially when they relate directly to me.

I am also a pessimist, although I am desperately working on this aspect of myself. I constantly feel bad, a bit depressed because of what people around me say and do; things that normally shouldn't even bother me.

Sometimes I wake up and think, what if my friends just start to hate me? What if they see me for 'who I really am', this insecure, uncool, overreacting, klutz? Do any of my friends really love me? If some 'cooler' friends came along would they dump me?

As a pessimist, my mind is trained to believe the worst. In my mind, I'm almost always the laughing stock. I beat myself over the head for the little mistakes that I make. I'm very hard on myself. I put up a front, a joker’s facade so that no one can get a glimpse into my soul.

When I get paid a compliment, I almost never accept it, because I just don’t believe it. I think the person who said it is lying to me. Obviously they want something from me.

I constantly compare myself to others- my wit, my looks, my clothes, my abilities. I always fall short because I focus on what others do that I don’t do well. Then I feel bad, forgetting that there are many things I can do well, that this other person can't. In my mind I'm never good enough. In my mind I'm never pretty enough. I drive myself crazy thinking of all the things that I am not.

But most of the time, I realise, my mind is the one playing tricks on me. I'm the one who blows things out of proportion. I want to be perfect. And that is not possible. I realise that I have to change my mindset. I need to live and let live. I have to let go of the little things, I need to be gentle on my soul. I need to love myself. That's the only way I can grow.

It's difficult. I've had 19 years of doing the wrong things. But slowly I'm rising above my insecurities. I'm freeing myself. I'm beginning to realise that life isn't a competition. Life isn't so hard. It's all in my mind.

©2007, Oluwadamilola Odunayo Oyedele

I Pray

This is not really a poem. It's just some thoughts - I'm channeling some love and prayers.

I pray.

I know very well how you did not choose to be bound,
but this is the battle that HE chose for you.
I pray that one day
you will look behind you
and see your wings,
and that you will have the courage
to fly high
and very far into the sky.
I pray that you will become
all HE made you to be.

Every single one of you.
I love you.

So I pray.

(c) 2010, Oluwadamilola Odunayo Oyedele

Y! Magazine

There’s a fabulous new magazine out, and if you haven’t heard about it, I have to ask --- where the hell have you been? Come out from under that rock this minute!

Hot stuff, huh? This is the magazine's cover page (from http://www.bellanaija.com/)

It’s actually more than a magazine, it’s a hot new brand, that also includes a TV show, radio show, website, newspaper column and reception. Y! represents the young Nigerian achiever – informed, driven and of course, very stylish. The brand self defines as "the new high priest of Nigerian youth culture".

"Y! Magazine will – using the best young Nigerian writers, interviewers photographers, stylists and others – document the lifestyle, issues, trends and personalities that define the character and aspiration of the young Nigerian," says Chude Jideonwo, the editor.

Even hotter! This picture from within the magazine is a poster, for you fans of Omotola and all things Y! 

There’s more about the magazine and the whole brand here on the official website. And here also and here again are pictures and gist from the launch of the magazine.

I am so very proud to be a part of this (even if as a yet-unknown aspiring writer).

It's now available in stores and with vendors nationwide, so buy it! And let your first stop be my personal favourite, a certain article by ‘Damilola Oyedele (Yes, I’m shameless like that).

That’s That!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Hello, and welcome to the world of many lights and much camera, but very little action.

We’re so image-obsessed today it’s disturbing. Humans have always felt the desire to be seen and heard, but the internet and social media (Facebook being the forerunner of the pack, with Twitter following closely behind) have taken the fire that satellite television kindled and set the world ablaze. In the twinkle of an eye you can let the world know your secrets and your thoughts, and five degrees of separation has been reduced to nil.

Take the desire to be known and put it together with the platform for doing so, and what you get is a lot of falsehood. There are too many words and too little action - this is the trap into which my generation is falling, myself included. We’re saying things we don’t mean, laughing out loud with blank expressions on our faces, and our wittiest comments are made with our fingers! This is the age where laziness has taken over and enthusiasm has been reduced to half a dozen exclamation marks!!!!!! I dare say we are living a lie and we are in trouble.

I knew I was doomed when a witty thought would come into my head and the following thought would be, “wow, that would make a great Facebook status update”.

You, yes, you with all those carefully selected and touched up photos in your photo albums (and I’m talking to myself too) – who are we deceiving? Bar those who haven’t seen you in the past five years, we all know you don’t look like that now!

And those of us who spend hours on Facebook looking at other people’s pictures – scrutinizing, criticizing, lusting – we need to get lives, or live the lives we already have.

Our generation’s opportunities are exponentially greater than those of the generations before us, and we are wasting our lives in my opinion. I am certainly not anti social media. I appreciate it’s value and the platform it has created for us, but the greater proportion of the world is misusing it. When you have something important to say; a brilliant product to promote, please feel free to broadcast yourself as much as you want to, but if all you want to do is rant about your ex, or tweet subliminal insults to his new girlfriend, please refrain from

clogging up cyberspace.

I reckon that those who are actually doing things are too busy to spend the bulk of twenty-four hours online. A blogger I follow once said (paraphrase) – let’s get off the internet and make some real memories.

To that I add “let’s shut down our laptops (put down those damn Blackberries) and go and get some fresh air! Rest our fingers! See the world! Be all we can be!”

Less lights and camera and more action please!

That’s That!

I Like Girls

Hey there! Anybody home?

I’ve been away for a while at the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) Orientation Camp. How did it go? Well, it was a mild version of hell to say the least. Maybe one day, when I’m finally over the post-traumatic stress disorder, I’ll be able to write my 'Tales by Moonlight: Camp Edition'. But for now, the topic du jour:

I Like Girls

I’ve never been a tomboy. I also have never been a girly girl. All my life I’ve been sitting daintily on the fence.

(By the way the art of sitting on the fence is something I’ve mastered, as confirmed by Robbins Begg Consulting. Their words: "Damilola’s dominant intelligence component is Diplomatic Intelligence…" Hmm.)

I also have no sisters, but I grew up with a couple of friends who were like sisters, so I have a good understanding and appreciation of the joys and the complexities of relationships between women.

A few years ago I literally had my life ripped off from beneath me.

Truth be told, that statement has a bit of a dramatic edge, but I did feel as though I had lost a huge chunk of all that I held dear at the time. I found myself thrown into a new environment (one which I had scorned and despised, mind you), and I found myself being forced to eat. Humble Pie, that is. Initially I struggled to fit into this new environment, but soon I settled in, realising it was part of God’s plan, which was far more wonderful than I could imagine. See, God had been good enough to give me what I needed, not what I wanted. But that’s a story for another blog entry or three.

Back to the point, I believe that any sane woman needs strong relationships with other like-minded sane women in order for her to retain her sanity.

I also believe that one's friendship circle should be kept small and tight as opposed to large and watered-down (Recall #23 of my 'This is Me' post).

Here I was, settling into this new environment, with no women I could connect with. I prayed, like I always do, and said “Lord, I’m losing my sanity. Please give me two good girlfriends.”

God sighed and answered “I won’t do that dear.”

Me: God, what did you just say?

God: I said I will NOT give you two girlfriends. I will surround you with multiples. However in your core, you will have a few great women to call your best friends.

And like He always does, He gave me what he promised.

Ladies, you know who you are. This post is dedicated to you:

A friend is someone who:

1. Is brutally honest about your strengths, and kindly honest about your weaknesses.

2. Calls you in the middle of the night to share that ‘hot’ gist with you. OR Calls you in the middle of the night because you’ve told her you want to share some ‘hot gist’ with her. And in both cases you wake up feeling hung over because you lost three to four hours of sleep talking, gossiping, analysing and strategising aka doing ‘MTN XtraCool’.

3. Will not judge you, and will even agree with you when you tell her about the hot young man you plan to marry, having known him for all of three minutes. She then proceeds to give you sound reasons as to why you shouldn't go ahead and propose just yet. (Beyond the jokes though, your friend will truly listen, empathise and give excellent advice anytime you need it.)

4. Stands in a long queue and pays for your Call-up Letter/whatever ahead of time so you don’t have to wait in line when you arrive.

5. Stares expressionlessly and refuses to argue with you when you’re in a bad mood.

6. Steals your quirky quotes and passes them off as hers… And you’re proud of her for it.

7. Asks after your welfare and celebrates your progress without a jealous tone of voice and the famous tinge of green in her brown eyes because she is secure in her own self.

8. You’ve discussed (in-depth) future career plans, as well as picnic, dinner and travel plans (complete with your husbands and children). You may even have pledged your unborn children to one another in marriage.

9. Will forgive you when you do stupid little things, like ditching her for your crush. She understands.

There’s so much more, but I will wrap up with this:

10. Above all, you can count on the fact that she is your God-given friend and the bond that holds you together is eternal.

What do you have to say about your own girlfriends?

Disclaimer (In case you missed it while reading the content, or decided to focus on the title alone): This is not a ‘coming out’ blog post. I am proudly heterosexual!